For whatever reason, it was this most recent episode of illness that prompted me to create a book. The book is written in a notebook (from invite.L, my favorite seller of stationery, if you’re a stationery geek like me), and has been informally dubbed The Care and Keeping of Esmé. Should you, too, have a chronic mental illness, I invite you to create one for yourself. Here are some of the things that are being recorded in The Care and Keeping. If you should have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments.
- A grocery shopping list.This might sound bizarre, but my acupuncturist has recommended certain foods for me, both for my schizoaffective disorder and for my fibromyalgia. But in general, it is easy to slide into a not-eating state of mind, or an eating-too-much-crap state of mind. Creating a grocery shopping list when well encourages me to remember what is actually good for me to eat. (And that I need to eat.)
- Basic, basic recipes.Brown rice plus tuna fish plus lemon juice. Okay.
- Nourishment activities.I have a page that details for me how to get to the ocean. I have a terrible sense of direction and don’t drive, so I made extensive instructions about taking public transit to the shore. You might not love the ocean; maybe you love the zoo, or have a forest that you like to go to.
- Nourishment activities, continued.These are the things that help alleviate the anguish/psychosis/mania/etc. You might need different lists for different types of episodes, as I do. I have included things like “usingHeadspace” (a simple, but lovely meditation app), “drinking ginger tea,” and “Skyping with Mum.” Having a tangible list of activities helps to at least remind me that I can attempt to not go straight for alcohol or self-injurious behavior, or any of my other long-standing, but unpleasant, coping mechanisms.
- Lists of signs of oncoming episodes.I didn’t realize until I stopped craving the taste of alcohol after my yearlong episode of depression ended that “craving alcohol daily” was a symptom, or that making a million lists and obsessively tidying was a sign of oncoming psychosis. Yours may or may not vary.
- A list of resources.This may include your best friends, your family, your doctors, a crisis line, your local clinic, etc.
I hope that was helpful. Again, if you have any more suggestions, leave them in the comments. And if you think this might be helpful for someone you know, feel free to send them the link; tweet the link if you feel like it might be nice. (http://www.esmewang.com/2013/03/careandkeeping/) Be well, all of you. I wish you all the very, very best.
This is completely brilliant and I’m going to make mine this weekend. Even if you don’t have a chronic condition, I think this is a great self-care activity that yields a product that will always be helpful if you’re not feeling well. This is kind of an upgraded version of my “compliments box” I keep with my recommendations for grad school, my acceptance letters, papers I got good grades on, cards etc.
the fact that jennifer “i think mental illnesses are cute and quirky and i wish i had one” lawrence won an oscar for silver linings playbook just says everything you need to know about how mental illness is framed in popular culture
I’m quite curious to know Jesse Eisenberg’s opinion on all this.
It really makes me feel like shit that someone like Liza Long is the loudest voice in America about mental health right now and that PBS is legitimizing her stigmatized views.
As a baby reporter in Texas, I covered what we euphemistically called mental health services in the state. These “services,” reserved for the dangerously ill, involved brief, groggy hospital stays followed up with a handshake, a script for enough pills to stun a moose, and all best wishes: See you soon!
Unless something worse happened, the patients were bound to be back. And just as surely, whenever I’d return to the newsroom after a trip to one of the state-run mental hospitals, my editor could be counted on to joke, “You didn’t catch anything while you were there, did you?” Schizophrenia cooties, I guess he meant, or bipolar bugs.
The national conversation since last week’s shootings in Newtown, Conn., has reminded me of that guy, whose fear of mental illness may or may not have been treatable. Our still underinformed, over-anxious understanding of mental illness – or of any cognitive or neurological difference, for that matter – suggests that we haven’t come very far in the decades since he snickered about depression being contagious.
The shooter was “known to suffer from Asperger’s syndrome,” cable anchors told us, as if that might explain a child-killing spree. But there is no link – none – between violence and this high-functioning form of autism.
And though you might not know it from some of the coverage, Asperger’s isn’t a mental illness at all, but a developmental disorder. The young adults I know who were diagnosed that way are smart, sweet, and simply had to work harder to learn the social cues that came effortlessly to their peers. When one of them got into a top college a few years ago, his mom fantasized about sharing the news with every kid who was ever mean to him in middle school: “Have fun at DeVry!” Because the fact is, kids with Asperger’s are far more likely to be bullied than to do any bullying.
I’m equally chary of vague reports that the shooter, Adam Lanza, “had some kind of personality disorder” and was “on some kind of medication.” Maybe he did and was, but there is no medication that treats Asperger’s itself, and fears that antidepressants can set off murderous rampages are mistaken: “There’s no evidence to support that,” said Bernard Vittone, director of the National Center for the Treatment of Phobias, Anxiety and Depression. “Even the evidence linking it to suicide in children and young people
is shaky, and I don’t know of any evidence linking violence in general to antidepressants.”
Some of our other most beloved biases have come out to play, too, in the days since Lanza opened fire: How quick we are to blame the murdered mother of the kid gone horribly wrong. In retrospect, we know her son should not have been allowed anywhere near a gun, but we don’t know what violent behavior he’d ever shown her, if any. Meanwhile, of course, if you, too, have had to sleep by your friendless grown son’s door, because he didn’t want you either any closer or any farther away, then go ahead and judge Nancy Lanza’s decision to take her son to a shooting range in what sounds like a desperate attempt to connect with him.
In painful moments like this, even what we do know seems to slip away from us — so we perpetually wonder how such a thing could have happened in a community one and all regarded as safe, as if being “close knit” or “low crime” had anything to do with it.
Somehow, when TV throws a tragedy like this one in the blender, what comes out tends to be indistinguishable from the last horror, or the one before that, and the result weirdly numbing. When we read some of the smaller details, though — about the kid who said he wouldn’t have anybody to play with now that his sister had died, or the boy who said he knew karate and could save the others — we feel the enormity of what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary, and cry that we won’t stand for it.
Only, then what? I hope we won’t waste too much time arguing over whether stricter gun laws, better mental health treatment, or pushing back against violent video games is the right place to start; surely the answer is all of the above.
If guns alone — or even guns plus lousy treatment options — were the entire problem, why were no little red schoolhouses fired on in the Wild West, where everyone was armed and mental illness completely untreated?
There are pieces of this problem strewn across the political spectrum, it seems to me: The left is correct that actually, guns do kill people. But the right has a point, too, about the “culture of death,” in the language of John Paul II’s “Gospel of Life.” And if we haven’t glorified even mass shootings and their perpetrators, then why does one shooter after another show up dressed all in black, like an anti-hero ready for his big finale?
Struggling to understand, we persist in referring to desperately sick people as evil incarnate. ”Evil visited this community today,” said Connecticut Gov. Dan Malloy. ”No set of laws can eliminate evil from the world,” President Obama told the grieving.
A well person doesn’t shoot a bunch of 6-year-olds, though, and while I believe in evil, from a Christian perspective, sin involves free will, which I’m just not sure someone who acted as Lanza did was in any shape to exercise. Saying so is seen as “excusing” such horrific acts, but calling illness by its modern name is important. We have so much hard work to do, and on multiple fronts, that we can’t afford to set off in the wrong century.
Melinda Henneberger is a Post political writer who anchors the She the People blog. Follow her on Twitter: @MelindaDC.
The President’s statements on gun control and people with mental illness tonight are very disappointing. Let’s stop perpetuating stereotypes that are incredibly untrue; people with mental illnesses are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators.
I want to expand Ramou’s discussion about the Aurora shooter and the mess and one of my favorite quotes by Chris Rock, which is,
‘Whatever happened to crazy?!’
Please go back and read Ramou’s post and the quote by Chris Rock…
But more importantly, I am so tired of hearing how we have to explain away someone’s actions; horrible, disgusting, murderous actions; by attaching them to mental illness.
I am mentally ill. My mother is a schizophrenic and she is one of the people that makes the world uncomfortable. She talks to the air, she shouts, she rocks back and forth, and many times, she is what we label ‘crazy’. When you watch 12 Monkeys, The Fisher King, et al, you laugh and enjoy the portrayals, but it is REAL with my ma.
She would never walk into a crowded theatre and shoot everyone in sight. That goes against every fabric of her existence. She is not a harm to ANYONE other than herself. And when she is medicated, she is functional and can drive her car to the store and wear clean clothes and go to church. But when she isn’t medicated, she is really just not ok.
She is not a BAD person. She doesn’t think ill of others, of humanity. (well, she does has an irrational dislike for David Letterman, but I will explain that later…) She does not write diatribes and manifestos hoping to erase swaths of the population because of warped perceived ills about society.
And what I think Chris Rock is getting at, and what I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past several days, is about exactly this. There are people who are BAD. They want to watch the world burn. Not in some philosophical, man the world is fucked up kind of way, but they want to ACTUALLY do it.
They are not psychotic or mentally ill; they are evil. They are NOT my ma, who is a kind person, when her neurons and everything else manage to connect properly. I am mentally ill. I no more want to walk into the food court and murder everyone than I want to shop at Talbots. Although, I do get pissed when the line at Popeyes is long…
We want to explain away terrible, ugly things and attach them to other things that frighten us or we cannot explain. But it is not that easy. The Aurora shooter did something completely inexplicable and wrong. But continuing to demonize mental illness and attach truly heinous acts to it only makes it worse.